You're Fired, Charley Manning

Boston Globe: Please forward this to Mr. Manning in his posh offices. Somebody needs to tell him the truth.
Grammargrinch


A cautious crew of Democrats By Charley Manning | September 3, 2006

Well it sounds like he is for it and against it.

Mr. Manning is addicted to superfluous adverbs. Strunk & White warns us against these. Graham Greene hated them. If Charley insists on using a redundant “well,” it merits a comma as sentence modifier.

Reilly has actually been the most effective in debates so far by going on the offensive against his opponents with nicely timed cheap shots.

“Actually” is another flabby adverb. Le Charley should dump it. “Nicely” is inept diction; “nicely timed” is a cliché. “Cunning, sly,m or wily” is more potent.

With just two weeks to go, there are some major opportunities coming up for one of the candidates to reach out and seize a victory that will give him the momentum to seriously challenge Kerry Healey in November. 38 words

“Just” and “seriously” are redundant, boggy adverbs. This sentence requires pruning: “With two weeks to go, one candidate can seize momentum to challenge Healey in November.” 15 words

He just repeats the same lines three or four times over and over again, which makes him look like a man of conviction. 23 words

“Just” is another throat-clearing adverb. “Repeats…again” equals “repeats.” “He repeats the same lines to make him look like a man of conviction.” 14 words

But what has been missing so far are ads with an edge.

This flabby sentence should be “Missing have been ads with an edge.”

Well if Reilly believes what the polls are showing, that the race is getting away from him, it makes sense for him to take on Gabrieli. 26 words

If Mr. Charley can’t resist another superfluous “well,” he owes it a comma. This sentence ranks boggy: “The polls showing the race getting away from him confirm the need to take on Gabrieli.” 16 words

But he better have the ``I can't believe my opponents are attacking me, and of course it's not true" ad ready at a moment's notice. 25 words

Charley should hyphenate this neo-adjective phrase before a noun for reader comprehension: “I-can’t-believe-my-opponents-are-attacking-me-and-of-course-it’s-not-true ad ready.” 4 words

Finally, as the traffic picks up after Labor Day, and people are spending more time stuck in their cars, it makes a lot of sense for the candidates to start spending money on radio ads. 35 words

Dump “finally.” Dump the comma after “Day”: it splits a compound verb. Get rid of the floating pronoun “it”: “When Labor-Day traffic finds people stuck in their cars, the candidate should start spending money on radio ads.” 18 words

In most campaigns, television is very important, but radio is always the secret weapon. 14 words

No “very,” Charley. “Radio is the secret weapon in most campaigns.” 8 words

Charley Manning is a Boston-based strategic consultant who has been an adviser on three of the last four winning Republican gubernatorial campaigns: William Weld in 1990 and 1994, and Mitt Romney in 2002.

Grammargrinch would not hire. Srategic Charley is wordy, dotes on redundant adverbs, and has no ear for the music of language. Grammargrinch also would not vote for a candidate with no better sense than to hire Charley.