Editor Storin's Recidivism

One wonders where editors go when they retire from huffing and puffing piffle in some newspaper. This fellow teaches journalism. Such professor editors' hapless students write lucubrations that pass the torch of language abuse in the dailies. Mr. Storin suffers linguistic dropsy, chronic disease of editors whence comes, one infers, from nobody’s having power or courage to check their runaway wordiness while they sit on editorial thrones. He overuses adverbs and progressive verbs. He has shaky grasp of commas.

Mr. Storin reigned erstwhile editor at the Boston Globe. He now lurks before a blackboard at Notre Dame.

Editor Storin's word count: 713
Edit of editor’s word count: 466

Original Storin paragraphs and edited paragraphs follow the section that marks errors.


Boston Herald
MATTHEW V. STORIN
When bad things happen at good places
By Matthew V. Storin April 10, 2006

WITHIN THE WORLD of higher education: wordy, omit. Duke University is widely admired for its skill in public relations. Wordy; passive verb Over the years, wordy: omit. It has lifted itself from regional icon to an elite national research university, No comma: the past participial phrase redundant comma cuts off is restrictive past participial phrase that modifies the general noun "university." renowned for its overachieving undergraduates, who migrate to Durham, N.C., from all over the United States. It also redundant adverb has an internationally known medical center, Redundant comma divides a compound direct object: "center" and "program." and probably the nation's most respected basketball program -- men's and women's. The Chronicle of Higher Education covers developments at wordy Duke with an intensity it otherwise reserves for Ivy League schools.

But now Duke is rolling in a barrel of white-hot negative coverage at a time in journalistic history wordiness when news outlets are faster, more plentiful, and more unrelenting (as in 24/7) Resist this stale cliché. than ever before. Allegations of rape at a raucous off-campus party, Comma is redundant: it cuts off the present participial phrase modifying "party.” involving members of the Duke men's lacrosse team, plus evidence of outrageous attitudes by at least some team members regarding race, gender, and violence have left the campus and the Raleigh-Durham community in turmoil. Awkward 42-word sentence: split into two.

Having worked on both sides of such controversies, Redundant comma: you need only one after "year" for this long introductory participial phrase. as editor of The Boston Globe for eight years and as spokesman for my alma mater, the University of Notre Dame, from 2002 until earlier this year, I have a Wordy: dump. sense of how Duke's administrators are feeling. Author has weakness for progressive-tense, hand-wringing verbs. Simple tense gives thrust to a sentence.
At a time when a key word on Google can retrieve virtually every word written or broadcast concerning Duke, sometimes within minutes, the university's leaders cannot feel other than besieged. And because Duke is the primary focus for these administrators, it's easy for them to feel that the preoccupation of the general public matches their own. wordy: At Notre Dame, I experienced this phenomenon when, after just three seasons of mixed results on the field, we had fired our first African-American football coach, Tyrone Willingham. For two weeks the coverage was unrelenting, and the backlash so intense that even our then-president, the Rev. Edward A. Malloy, distanced himself from the decision. (It had been made by the president-elect, the Rev. John I. Jenkins, who took office seven months later.) Dump passive verb. This muddy sentence presents a tough read.

When controversy visits places such as Duke and Notre Dame, mighty institutions with a carefully cultivated images, the press naturally pounces. Strunk & White pleads against redundant adverbs. Harvard University, which in February saw its president, Lawrence Summers, resign under pressure, is but another example. Caught in this maelstrom, what does one do? A few pieces of advice:

Be true to your school. Administrators need to keep reminding should remind themselves of the values to which they ascribe under normal conditions. And they need to keep reminding remind themselves of who they are as an enterprise.

Within legal and logical reason, be transparent, and, no matter what, tell the truth. Universities, even private ones like Duke, have quasi-public obligations. Truth is the Eschew weak linking verbs. serves bedrock of the educational process comma: compound sentence and that line cannot be crossed. Mixed metaphor; weak passive verb; redundant clause.

Not everyone is reading and remembering Avoid hand-wringing present progressive tense when possible: use clean simple tense: “reads” and “remembers.” every word as you are. Remember, most Americans are still getting their kids to soccer practice and doing the other Diction: One cannot "do" a necessity: one can perform it. necessities of life. They are not hanging do not hang by their televisions for the next bulletin from North Carolina.

Take the long view. The same intensity of 24-hour, Internet-fed news cycles will eventually work in your favor. Somebody or some enterprise is going to will take your place in the barrel. This down-home rune sounds as if it came from a court-house-steps philosopher chewing a cud of tabaccy. And what will you be left with remains? Will parents counsel their children to avoid applying to an elite school like Duke? Does anyone think Did Harvard permanently lost a millimeter of lose prestige over the Summers imbroglio?

To test this last notion, I did a LexisNexis search of the word ''Harvard" in The New York Times for the month of March. There were 180 items that included the word, only 30 of which also referred to Summers, and the vast majority of those "Vast majority" has moss on it. most did not involve the controversy. The citations included obituaries and wedding announcements, but most reflected the faculty's educational authority or the university's prestige. It's: Muddy pronoun reference. Harvard an averages of nearly six mentions per day. Not bad for a place that suffered a substantial embarrassment the previous month.

There are serious issues within the Duke community. But when it comes to image and public relations, Duke should know that the caravan will move on. Then it can concentrate on whatever long-term remedies are required Comma: compound sentence and the PR folks can get back on the phone to the Chronicle of Higher Education.

Matthew V. Storin was editor of The Boston Globe from 1993 to 2001. He now teaches journalism at the University of Notre Dame.



MATTHEW V. STORIN
When bad things happen at good places

By Matthew V. Storin April 10, 2006

WITHIN THE WORLD of higher education, Duke University is widely admired for its skill in public relations. Over the years, it has lifted itself from regional icon to an elite national research university, renowned for its overachieving undergraduates, who migrate to Durham, N.C., from all over the United States. It also has an internationally known medical center, and probably the nation's most respected basketball program -- men's and women's. The Chronicle of Higher Education covers developments at Duke with an intensity it otherwise reserves for Ivy League schools.88 words

Higher education admires Duke University’s public-relations skills. It has lifted itself from regional icon to elite national research center. Overachieving undergraduates migrate to Duke from all over the United States. Duke has an internationally known medical center and probably the nation’s best basketball program—men’s and women’s. 47 words


But now Duke is rolling in a barrel of white-hot negative coverage at a time in journalistic history when news outlets are faster, more plentiful, and more unrelenting (as in 24/7) than ever before. Allegations of rape at a raucous off-campus party, involving members of the Duke men's lacrosse team, plus evidence of outrageous attitudes by at least some team members regarding race, gender, and violence have left the campus and the Raleigh-Durham community in turmoil.
Having worked on both sides of such controversies, as editor of The Boston Globe for eight years and as spokesman for my alma mater, the University of Notre Dame, from 2002 until earlier this year, I have a sense of how Duke's administrators are feeling.121 words

White-hot negative coverage now roils Duke because news is faster, more plentiful, and more unrelenting. The campus suffers turmoil from a rape allegation at a raucous off-campus party that involved the men’s lacrosse team. Its members have reputed outrageous attitudes toward race, gender, and violence. I sense how Duke administrators feel since I worked both sides controversies for eight years as Boston Globe editor and as spokesperson for my alma mater, the University of Notre Dame from 2002 until this year. 81 words

At a time when a key word on Google can retrieve virtually every word written or broadcast concerning Duke, sometimes within minutes, the university's leaders cannot feel other than besieged. And because Duke is the primary focus for these administrators, it's easy for them to feel that the preoccupation of the general public matches their own. At Notre Dame, I experienced this phenomenon when, after just three seasons of mixed results on the field, we had fired our first African-American football coach, Tyrone Willingham. For two weeks the coverage was unrelenting, and the backlash so intense that even our then-president, the Rev. Edward A. Malloy, distanced himself from the decision. (It had been made by the president-elect, the Rev. John I. Jenkins, who took office seven months later.) 128 words

Because Google can retrieve almost every written or broadcast word about Duke, university leaders feel besieged. They believe the public shares their preoccupation. I experienced this feeling at Notre Dame when we fired our first African-American football coach, Tyrone Willingham, after three mixed-results seasons. Unrelenting coverage and backlash were so intense for two weeks that then-president, the Reverend Edward A. Malloy, distanced himself from the decision made by the president-elect the Reverend John J. Jenkins. He took office seven months later. 81 words

When controversy visits places such as Duke and Notre Dame, mighty institutions with a carefully cultivated image, the press naturally pounces. Harvard University, which in February saw its president, Lawrence Summers, resign under pressure, is but another example. Caught in this maelstrom, what does one do? A few pieces of advice: 51 words

Controversy’s visiting mighty institutions with cultivated images such as Duke and Notre Dame causes the press to pounce. In February mighty Harvard saw its president, Lawrence Summers, resign under pressure. Advice for those caught in this maelstrom: 37 words

Be true to your school. Administrators need to keep reminding themselves of the values to which they ascribe under normal conditions. And they need to keep reminding themselves of who they are as an enterprise. 35 words

Be true to your school. Administrators must remind themselves of their values under normal conditions. They should rehearse who they are as an enterprise. 26 words


Within legal and logical reason, be transparent, and, no matter what, tell the truth. Universities, even private ones like Duke, have quasi-public obligations. Truth is the bedrock of the educational process and that line cannot be crossed. 37 words

Be transparent. No matter what, tell the truth. Truth ranks bedrock of education. Even private universities like Duke have quasi-public obligations. 20 words

Not everyone is reading and remembering every word as you are. Remember, most Americans are still getting their kids to soccer practice and doing the other necessities of life. They are not hanging by their televisions for the next bulletin from North Carolina. 43 words

Not everyone reads and remembers every word as you do. Most Americans are taking their kids to soccer practice or dealing with life’s necessities. They don’t hover over television for North Carolina’s next bulletin. 34 words

Take the long view. The same intensity of 24-hour, Internet-fed news cycles will eventually work in your favor. Somebody or some enterprise is going to take your place in the barrel. And what will you be left with? Will parents counsel their children to avoid applying to an elite school like Duke? Does anyone think Harvard permanently lost a millimeter of prestige over the Summers imbroglio? 66 words

Take the long view. Intensity of news cycles work in your favor. Somebody else will get the spotlight. Will parents counsel children not to apply to elite Duke? Has Harvard lost a millimeter of prestige over the Summers imbroglio? 39 words

To test this last notion, I did a LexisNexis search of the word ''Harvard" in The New York Times for the month of March. There were 180 items that included the word, only 30 of which also referred to Summers, and the vast majority of those did not involve the controversy. The citations included obituaries and wedding announcements, but most reflected the faculty's educational authority or the university's prestige. It's an average of nearly six mentions per day. Not bad for a place that suffered a substantial embarrassment the previous month. 91 words

A New York Times LexisNexis search of “Harvard” for March. “Harvard” yielded 180 mentions, averaging six a day. Summers got 30 with the majority’s not referring to the controversy. While citations included obituaries and wedding announcement, most reflected the faculty’s educational authority and the university’s prestige—not bad for a place that suffered a substantial embarrassment the previous month. 59 words

There are serious issues within the Duke community. But when it comes to image and public relations, Duke should know that the caravan will move on. Then it can concentrate on whatever long-term remedies are required and the PR folks can get back on the phone to the Chronicle of Higher Education. 52 words

Duke has serious issues. But the public relations caravan moves on. Duke should concentrate on long-term remedies for its problems. Then the PR folks can get back on the phone to the Chronicle of Higher Education. 37 words

Original's Total: 712 words

Matthew V. Storin was editor of The Boston Globe from 1993 to 2001. He now teaches journalism at the University of Notre Dame.