Thursday, November 03, 2005

TIMES EDITORIAL POP QUIZ

A better metaphor for the luncheons would be a pillow fight, which is why...

The "which" adjective clause constitutes vague reference. It has no word to modify in the previous clause. You mean something like "tepid Tiger Bay performance represents ..."

Rice said Friday she would attend the Oct. 26 event, but the damage has been done and she has elevated a divisive issue she claims to disavow.

Don't put three independent clauses in a sentence. You need a comma after "done" for the two-independent-clauses comma rule. Don't use passive verbs. Edit: Rice said Friday... But she had done damage and elevated a divisive issue.... Better: dump the cliché and say this: She has elevated a divisive issue.

Passive verbs abound. They make you sound pussyfooting (you are--prissy and cowardly too).

The race issue was raised by the mean-spirited primary campaign....

The mean-spirited primary campaign raised the race issue....


...when she was ambushed on the race issue...

The race issue ambushed her....

Rice apparently calculated it is to her advantage of continue to keep race at the forefront....

You dote on "it" constructions with no antecedent.

Edit: Keeping the race issue at the forefront, Rice calculated, advantages her....


It should be noted....

Cliché verbal padding: dump it. If you must cram it in, use "We note."

Tiger Bay's typically sophomoric rhetoric...

Tiger Bay's rhetoric was searing and erudite before your previous boss Andrew Dove-tonsils Barnes lumbered onto the board of the outfit. The rhetoric has degenerated since Le Barnes boarded. He contaminated Tiger Bay with puerile SPTimes speech patterns. When I learned that Le Barnes had ascended the TB board, I prophesied to my husband, "There goes the neighborhood." Dump the adverb “typically.” Strunk & White begs people to stop overusing adverbs. Graham Green hated adverbs. Use them as little as possible. Overusing adverbs is sophomoric.

Justice for All:
One notes that you have 22 columnists.
Women, 7, are 32 percent; Blacks, 2, are 9 percent; Hispanic, 1, 2 percent. Pasty-faced grammar-abusing white guys make up 47 percent of the opinion writers; woman and minorities are 43 percent. I don't see why anybody should trust editorial ruminations by those who endorse this affirmative-action plan for mediocre white guys.
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lee drury de cesare

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