The Dauphin Takes a Bow

Diversity at Its Finest

Master Tim Nickens according to a Delphic-Oracle-in-exile residing over a crack in the earth in Lutz will take over Mr. Gailey's slot when the latter fades into the greenshade sunset. So we have the usual white male following white male to a cushy chair at The Times. The St. Petersburg Times has a for-show diversity officer. I would like to read this diversity-officer's essay on how this good-ol'-boy-affirmative-action tableau jibes with women's and minorities' getting equal job opportunity. One thing is sure: Master Nickens does not glide into this sinecure via dauphin-career-chute slide for his felicitous writing.

Mr. Gailey may take solace in his protege's writing worse than does his master. While flaws afflict Le Gailey's prose, this fellow struggles under greater rhetorical load. He suffers galloping wordiness, addiction to adverbs (both Strunk and Graham Greene, best prose writer of this past century, hated adverbs), and overindulgence in passive and progressive verbs. Auteur Nickens is not sure-footed with commas. Yet for all these flaws, he now goes for fittings for the purple in anticipation of his coronation to the Gailey St. Petersburg Times Chair of Limping Prose.

lee drury de cesare




GOP-holds-all -the-cards-but-wants-more (This is a series of words before the noun "Series" that acts as a single adjective, hence should get hyphens.) Series: COLUMNS; [STATE Edition]

Wordiness: Green Corrections: Red

TIM NICKENS. St. Petersburg Times. St. Petersburg, Fla.: May 1, 2005. pg. 3.P

Abstract (Document Summary)
While they are manipulating manipulate election schedules and campaign fundraising rules, Republicans are making make it harder for voters who might not don't support their views. Early voting has proven proved very popular, but lawmakers have not done a thing have done nothing to make early voting easier or more accessible. A safe assumption is that Some GOP operatives have concluded conclude that more time for early voting and more early voting sites would mean more poor people and minorities who are juggling jobs, child care and transportation problems might actually make it to the polls. Wouldn't that What? Vague pronoun reference be terrible. Question mark for question.
Just to make sure voters can't take things into their own hands, the Legislature is poised poises to strangle the constitutional hyphen amendment process. To snuff out most any bright ideas, lawmakers would restrict the subject matter. In the name of combating fraud, they would make it next to impossible to collect the signatures needed to get an amendment on the ballot. And if a miracle occurred and an amendment made it to reached the ballot, it Confusing: Don't use the same pronoun close together.would need to must win 60 percent of the vote to be approved. All of this This what? Pronoun reference: a reader shouldn't need a Ouji board to determine the antecedent. has passed the House; the only hope is that the Senate will keep its senses. If not, voters still will have the final say on everything but the petition-collecting rules for collecting petitions.
Full Text (743 words)

Copyright Times Publishing Co. May 1, 2005
Florida Republicans should have amassed more than enough power by now to be content.
Jeb Bush ranks is Linking verbs are weak. Avoid them. the most powerful governor of the state's modern era, having consolidated control over education, elections and the appointment of judges. The state House, the state Senate and the congressional delegation are overwhelmingly Republican. The state Cabinet is all Republican. The Florida Republican Party is a sophisticated machine fueled by piles of cash. The Florida Democratic Party is leaderless and broke.
Apparently, it's This what? Pronoun reference What about "This hegemony"? Too fancy? Try "dominance" or blue-collar diction's "clout." still not enough.
Heading into The last week of the legislative session, Republicans are doing do Flabby progressive verb everything they can to squash anyone who might challenge their conservative views. The cumulative result would be even causes less creative thinking in Tallahassee and fewer options for voters to influence the direction of their government.
The Legislature already has voted to permanently eliminate the primary run-off. The result will be that primaries could be won with less than 50 percent of the vote. Passive verb in a flaccid sentence Edit: Less than fifty percent of the vote then wins primaries. The more primary candidates there are in the primary, the less likely a moderate will be able to beat opponents with more extreme views who appeal to the party's base. That What? Pronoun antecedent. is not a good development for Republicans or Democrats, and voters can expect general elections with statewide candidates who have with little crossover appeal.
But conservative Republicans are not satisfied with scaring off moderates who fear they can't win a primary election. Passive verb Edit: Scaring off moderates afraid they can't win a primary election does not satisfy conservative Republicans. They also want to silence any candidates who cannot raise obscene amounts of money. To make sure statewide candidates with limited resources can't compete by relying on public campaign financing, the House passed a bill to raise the spending cap to more than over $20-million. The same lawmakers who once railed against public campaign financing as welfare for politicians have figured out how to still raise tons of money, take the public cash and but avoid exceeding the limit that triggers a one-for-one match.
Also floating around is a plan to further open the floodgates for huge contributions that are sent to political parties, which then send the money on to candidates. Horrible limping sentence Revision: A plan floats around to open floodgates for money sent to political parties that funnel it to candidates. (28 versus 18 words) Enhancing that money-laundering scheme appears to be too much even misplaced modifier for EVEN some Republicans.
While they are manipulating manipulate election schedules and campaign fundraising rules, Republicans are making make it harder for voters who might not don’t support their views. Early voting has proven very proved popular, but lawmakers have not done a thing done nothing to make early voting easier or more accessible. A safe assumption is that Some GOP operatives have concluded that more time for early voting and more early voting sites would mean more poor people and minorities who are juggling jobs, child care and transportation problems might actually make it to the polls. Wouldn't that be terrible. Question: question mark
Just to make sure voters can't take things into their own hands, To thwart voters, the Legislature is poised plans to strangle the constitutional amendment process. To snuff out most any bright ideas, lawmakers would restrict the subject matter. In the name of combating fraud, they would make it next to impossible to onerous to collect the signatures needed to get an amendment on the ballot. And if a miracle occurred and an amendment made it to reached the ballot, it would need to win 60 percent of the vote to be approved. All of this What? Pronoun reference has passed the House; the only hope is that the Senate will keeps its senses. If not, voters still will have the final say on everything but the rules for collecting petitions.
Some of these efforts might be acceptable in a different context. An increase in the spending limits for public campaign financing might be reasonable, but not to $20-million. Some limits on constitutional amendments might be merit worth talking about review if there were another way voters could force government to address issues, No comma: restricprepositional phrase such as an initiative process for statutes.
But it is important to view these fundamental changes in terms of their overall impact rather than individually. Reviewing these changes for overall impact is important. Taken together, these changes they would skew the state's direction. They would encourage extremists and discourage moderates. Money would have an even larger advantage over ideas.
When you hold all of the cards in Tallahassee, consolidating power looks good. But as Democrats comma: nonrestrictive adjectival adjective clause who once ruled Florida know, things can change. There will come a time when Republicans will then wish there were primary runoffs to screen out extreme candidates, No comma: compound subject of subordinate noun clause or campaign fundraising rules to help fight a candidate with unlimited resources. There might even come a time when Republicans may one day want to amend the Constitution themselves to get something done.