Will Comma Fumble

Allen's Fumbles, Romney's Gain

By George F. Will

Such circumstances should entice many aspirants into the race. Yet with Allen much diminished and perhaps out of contention, and with Rudy Giuliani not yet doing serious groundwork for a national campaign, the Republican field is already down to two. That is good for only one of them: Romney.

The redundant comma splilts compound prepositional phrases.

Maureen Dowd's 10/21 Column on Obama

Working on legislation can be so tedious, compared with a 13-city book tour in which you are feted as the liberal hunk of the 21st century, generating buzz about your future instead of the country’s.

The commas after "tedious" and "century" cut off restrictive participial phrases. The first modifies the gerund subject "working...tedious"; the second modifies "hunk." Passive verb "are feted" diminishes élan. Try this: "...compared to a 13-city book tour during which political scavengers fete you as the liberal hunk...." Ditch the intensifier "so" in your first sentence. Abandon it forever.

Please don't resort to tabloid diction to describe Mr. Obama. The fellow is not a vulgar "hunk." Note how he moves. His hip bones articulate differently than those of earth-bound hunks Cloony-Pitt-Cruise. Obama moves with the grace of an Astaire or Nureyev. Note how he sails onto a platform in a Terpsichore arc of the Swan-Lake Prince. Compare that to John Kerry's Frankenstein-monster lurch or George Bush's Elmer-Gantry-huckster shoulder hunch and jerky stride. Discover new metaphors, Ms. Dowd. Don't write template about the Obama magic.

Mr. Obama, who fears being seen as fluffy and who has been known to mock pretty boys in his party, never seems to take off his makeup these days, as he pads from one soft perch to the next, from Oprah to Meredith to Larry.

The comma after "days" cuts off a trailing restrictive adverbial clause. "Has been known" is a passive cliché. "Fluffy," Ms. Dowd, "fluffy?" That's infelicitous word choice. "Trivializing glamour" may be what you mean. "Obama fends off trivializing glamour by mocking other beauties in his party."

After 16 years of polarizing presidents driving them crazy, Americans will be yearning for someone as soothing as Obama. (“No one is exempt,” he writes in one of many platitudes in his new book, “from the call to find common ground.”) He is so hot now that tickets to his political events are being sought, at scalpers’ prices, on Craig’s List.

Simple present-tense verbs beat present-progressive tense in decisiveness; instead of "will be yearning," try "yearn." This is the thousandth time I have pled with you to use the possessive before a gerund: "presidents' driving..." You persevere in this error to be perverse. You learned this technique under the fascism of the sisters who taught you English.

He has been told by Democratic leaders to think about whether he really wants to be president, or whether he’s just getting swept away by people who want him to do it.

For God's sake, cut the Valley-Girl adverb "really." The nuns taught you Strunk & White's aversion for redundant modifiers. Use active voice: "Democratic leaders tell him to think about whether he wants to be president or whether people who want him to do it will sweep him away." The comma in your sentence after "president" separates compound dependent clauses. Separate independent clauses with a comma, not dependent clauses. Dependent clauses act like nouns, adjectives or adverbs.

You are better at the psychology of power than you are at punctuation. Explore why you think Obama hesitates to choose the top of the power pile. Twin Black star Colin Powell suffers identical affliction. Why did Powell buckle and deliver Bush intelligence lies to the UN to seal the war? In a paler example, why did Obama bow to McCain recently and not challenge him in a Totem-and-Taboo tiff of the new god to knock out the old?

And most interesting, discuss why both Obama's and Powell's wives oppose their men's running for president. Is this opposition based on fear of losing their husbands to an assassin's bullet or to losing him to the corrupting power of perquisites of the office of president?

Psychology constitutes your strength, Ms. Dowd. Lean on that potent skill. And get some smart cookie who understands an English sentence to edit your stuff for galloping comma overuse. Fight your tendency to use tabloid diction to sound au courant. You have read enough good stuff to have a richer vocabulary at your beck, and you are long enough now in the tooth to claim your right to use standard diction of the choicest sort. Have the class to become an eminence grise.

lee drury de cesare
Madeira beach, fl
http://www.grammargrinch.blogspot.com

Poynter Ethics Drive-by Exonerates SPTimes for
Scuttling Early Foley Tip

Posted on http//www.grammargrinch.blogspot.com
Updates on ethical decision-making in newsrooms big and small, assembled by Poynter's Kelly McBride, Bob Steele and colleagues.
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Thursday, October 5, 2006

Dissecting the Foley Investigation
It's journalism's version of Monday-morning quarterbacking. Whenever we hear of a newsroom that had its fingers on a great story and let it go, only to get scooped, we love to imagine how we would have changed things.

The comma is redundant: it cuts off a restrictive adverbial infinitive phrase.

I'm talking about the St. Petersburg (Fla.) Times (the newspaper owned by The Poynter Institute) and The Miami Herald, which have both revealed that last year they had copies of the e-mails a 16-year-old Louisiana boy received from Florida Rep. Mark Foley and then forwarded to his own congressman's office.

Miami Herald Editor Tom Fiedler says his paper was not aggressive enough. St. Petersburg Times Executive Editor Neil Brown says his newsroom did what it thought was appropriate.

At least the Miami Herald guy admitted misfire; the St. Petersburg Times editor hid behind prissy“appropriate.” “Appropriate” sounds like Cotton Mather and the 19th-century sin cops.
Le Neil comes off as a newspaper Prufrock who calls his wife “mother” and locks the john door to
sit on the toilet lid to read Playboy.

The reporter in me knows that, in a perfect world, journalists dig until they are satisfied they know the truth. Aw, c’mon with this noble-press-moss-grown twaddle. All those sluggards had to do was shuck their usual lack of curiosity pick up the phone.

The realist tells me reporters and editors make daily decisions about which stories to publish, which stories to pursue and which stories to hold off on.

According to what criteria, pray, do lords of print make decisions? My bet is that they make them based on the status of their psyches—most of those being of the morbidly cautious flavor laced with galloping narcissism.

Making that choice is sometimes an educated guess, other times a lucky gamble—Redundant commas passim in newspapers make newspaper affectation of evading the items-in-a-series comma a quirk. something else comes up.

That “something else” would be lunch or the imperative to stretch and yawn.

Let's break it down.

It was an orchestrated leak that landed the e-mails Wordy: “An orchestrated leak landed those
emails in the hands…” Was it an “orchestrated leak” like that of Deep Throat? into the hands
of a few journalists. You use too many indefinite anticipatory “it’s” unsupported by antecedents.

That's becoming clear. Not only did the St. Petersburg Times and The Miami Herald get
the e-mails, so did Fox News, according to The Associated Press.

You mess up a correlative:“Not only…but also.”

I'm going to bet other newsrooms had the e-mails in question, too.

You hope they did: cowards love to hide in a crowd.

Veteran political reporters will tell you they sort through dirty information every day, trying to figure out what's true and newsworthy and what isn't. A tip that comes from the other side isn't always worthless, but you view it with skepticism because you know the guy who sent it wants to make someone else look bad.

What’s wrong with a vicious impulse if the tip points to a valuable story? Are press people reporters or ethics nannies with their own anal-retentive ethnics as the touchstone?
Don’t tell me they have a well-thumbed Aristotelian Nicomachean Ethics on their desks.

A tip that is widely shopped around Passive verb gets a double dose of doubt. Deciding what people should know must be heady stuff for the editorial priesthood.

The original e-mail from Foley to the boy was not obviously inappropriate. The first journalists to check it out were waved off by congressional staffers who dismissed it as "overly friendly."

Passive verbs weaken a sentence. You use a plethora. Your 9th-grade English warned you about
flabby passive verbs. “Congressional staffers waved off the first journalists….”

Several Poynter Ethics Fellows have been discussing the case.

Barbara White Stack

Barbara White Stack, a veteran children's reporter at the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, points out that this Vague pronoun reference with no antecedent makes this sentence lack sense. is typical for teens who raise red flags: Adults don't believe teenagers as a general case, and specifically, Redundant adverb the word of an adult is almost always taken over that of a teen. ... I think we must examine our own biases carefully Redundant adverb when using our shit detectors. Good for Barbara’s hearty diction and good sense.

Skip Foster editor of The Star in Shelby, N.C., raises the question that editors raise all the time: How far should we go to check this out?

The journalistic stalwarts at The St. Pete Times should have gone as far as the phone for sure.
There was only a whiff of evidence that something improper was going on here --
basically, all the paper had was a mostly innocuous e-mail. ... Whoever judged this to
be “only” “innocuous email” has no business working for newspapers.

The St. Pete Times knew Foley’s reputation. Every stringer in the state knew it. The weasel
adverbs “only” and “mostly” give you away. The emails were or weren’t innocuous. A
fifty-year-old congressman’s emailing a page for a “pic”—especially a congressman with a
reputation for a sexual predilection for teenage boys—does not rank “innocuous.”

I think the St. Pete Times showed a strong willingness to get to the bottom of the story -- a
paper afraid to speak truth to power wouldn't have even made the initial allocation of resources
to pursue the story.

That “strong willingness” ranks a flat lie. You engage in unlovely ass-kissing, my dear.

I have noted that when Poynter personnel show up at Tiger Bay as platform guests that if a
Times Pooh-Bah adorns the audience, the Poynter underling’s eyes swing to the Times
overlord ad lib to check his reaction. Anxious sycophancy hangs heavy in the air.
How does filing the Foley tip in a drawer show “a strong willingness to get to the bottom
of the story?” It rather shows lack of initiative and guts. Why didn’t the Times call the
House Republican leadership? Why didn’t its minions call Senator Martinez? He
accused Betty Castor of favoring gays during the campaign. Former Foley aide Fordham
worked in Martinez’s office for a while after he left Foley.

Why didn’t the Times call candidate Crist? Crist and Foley, I heard, were roommates in
Tallahassee the first year they went to the House. General Christ’s strong suit is
unorthodox sex.

Until recently, he fought off the reputation of closet gay; but a recent Adam-Smith
Times story revealed that he signed away the rights to a child whom he said he
couldn’t have fathered because he practiced coitus interruptus on the begetting night.
Such a convoluted sex life suggests that St. Pete Times readers needed General Crist’s
bi-polar knowledge on this matter. General Crist is what Florida must accept in
the governor’s office: a guy so dim that he thinks coitus interruptus prevents pregnancy.

Raul Ramirez, director of news and public affairs at KQED in San Francisco, agreed that there was no story with only the e-mail. But he would have pushed his staff to keep digging. Ramirez is right.


Raul Ramirez:

"Given the nature of this potential story -- the possibility of a powerful public official using
Possessive before the gerund his public access to inexperienced, impressionable young
people with questionable potential “Potential” is illogical. Foley’s motives were not
“potential.” They were extant. motives -- I think other steps would have been warranted.
Weak passive verb For instance, contacting the congressional page oversight office Good
for you, Ramirez, for sense, even though this construction is a fragment. and asking
whether other parents or pages had complained about questionable behavior directed at pages.
Also contacting congressional leaders about past or pending complaints and past or pending
investigations. Hell Comma: mild interjection. yes.

And, hell, yes, Raul has used another fragment.

Why didn’t Times editors possess Raul’s perspicacity? Because they cower as phlegmatic
non-risk-takers is my inference. "

"As with any investigative story, I would want to know what mechanisms exist for dealing with complaints, which would enable us to assess whether there were any questions of unusual or special treatment in instances Possessive before the
gerund involving powerful individuals."

The adorable Raul belongs in the news business. If only he had a firmer grasp of grammar
and punctuation, he would rank beatific. At least, he has an inquiring mind. Why can’t
he replace our shrinking violet Paul Tash? It’s closing the barn door, but we could
send Tash to KQED San Francisco and import Raul to the St. Petersburg Times
editorial aerie.

Oh, I see why this swap won’t work. Le SF KQED Raul is handsome, as TV men are wont
to be.

Ectomorphic, cachectic Paul is wizened and no match for the SF beauty. The TV station
will never swap. We’re stuck with Paul. Readers must whip him into shape.

That's one approach. The other is simply to publish a small story and a copy of the e-mail, hoping
that something else will surface. That's what ABC News did, Redundant comma that cuts off a
restrictive adverbial prepositional phrase in a blog. Pull back on redundant adverbs such as
“simply.”Your college-freshman-English Strunk & White preached this lesson. Graham
Greene hated adverbs, hence his succinct style.

The first story, Don’t put a single comma between the subject and verb. appeared at 3:06 p.m.
on Thursday, September 28, in Brian Ross' Words of one syllable ending in "s" always add
apostrophe "s" for possessive. "The Blotter." The September 28 story was based on the e-mail
and nothing else. Wimpy passive verb: “`The Blotter’ based the story on the email….” Here's
the lede:

Why use an entres-nous shibboleth found today only in the OED to shut out us
non-members of the journalistic priesthood? This word transitioned from "lede" to
"leade" in the 16th century. Arcana like these distract, not inform.

"A 16-year-old male former congressional page concerned about the appropriateness of an e-mail exchange with a congressman alerted Capitol Hill staffers to the communication. Congressman Mark Foley's office says the e-mails were entirely appropriate and that their release is part of a smear campaign by his opponent."

This template spinning stopped the Times dead in its tracks?

The next entry in the blog at 3:40 p.m. had Foley's Democratic opponent Possessive before the
gerund: add apostrophe “s.” calling for an investigation. The explicit instant messages surfaced
over the next 26 hours.

It The decision was an educated gamble on ABC's part. In many cases of sexual abuse, more
victims come forward after the first story is told. Wordiness: dump “is told.” It's a passive verb
as well. It’s This indefinite pronoun doesn’t point back to an antecedent. Avoid overusing the
slovenly device of anticipatory “it” not anchored to an antecedent. Try “This pattern” instead
of “it.” happened in stories about teachers, doctors, clergy and scout leaders.

But it Your overuse of the indefinite pronoun clouds clarity: The reader must guess
the antecedent. was risky. Accusing someone of being a child predator without substantial
evidence could lead to horrible consequences. This fear nails the root of the
problem: squeamishness about exploring the tip and facing the consequences. An innocent man
would certainly Redundant adverb suffer.

The newsroom would be vulnerable to Wordy: “could face”; second to passive verbs, linking
verbs lack vigor. an expensive legal suit. And the public would condemn the news media as
sensational, irresponsible, anti-Republican stooges.

If newsroom worthies can’t take condemnation, they should retreat into another line of work.
People condemn newspapers but keep reading—especially about congressional sex scandals
that involve leadership’s cover-up.

Even knowing the outcome, it's not a risk many journalists would feel comfortable taking. You
stumble into the dreaded dangling modifier, alas. Such solecisms should not afflict the writing
of an educated person.

The introductory participial phrase modifies the first noun or pronoun in the clause that
follows. An “it” cannot know the outcome. Your addiction to “it” throws you into this
error. Wean yourself from “it’s”; go on the wagon with passive verbs also.

As murky as the newsroom decisions are in the Foley case, journalists looking back over the
story point out that our watchdog role should be the guiding force. The newsroom decisions were
not “murky”; they were gutless, timid, risk-averse.

Raul Ramirez:

The alternative -- potentially allowing even more young people to be manipulated by a
powerful man –Le Ramirez is pretty but not perfect. He uses passive verbs: “Allowing
a powerful man to manipulate…” could not be easy to just Our comely SF paragon uses a
redundant adverb. accept. The notion of holding the powerful accountable is central to the
role the American press ascribes to itself. Right. The press can’t talk the talk but refuse
to walk the walk.

The apparent Redundant adjective facts in this situation pointed at
potentially Redundant and inaccurate adverb: the “forms of cynicism” were not potential;
they were present and operative in both perpetrators, the Republican leaders in their
cover-ups and the St. Pete Times’s head-in-the-sand editor. extreme forms of cynicism,
hypocrisy and abuse of power.

There are many lessons in the Foley saga. One is that the leadership of the St. Petersburg
Times lacks curiosity and courage. Perhaps the most important one is that we learn to take children seriously, to respect their judgment and opinion.

How long will this lesson take to sink in? Every time there is a child or juvenile sex scandal, the psychoanalytic community tells us to take the children seriously. Nobody ever learns.

That Pronoun reference can't be license to print anything they say. But you journalists shouldn’t
explain negligence away with disingenuous essays of excuses like this one. But history
shows us that children are often the first to complain about inappropriate adult behavior. As adults and as journalists, we have to listen. Journalists listening when there are rumors of child abuse would be a big help to preventing the sexual abuse of children and juveniles.

Congressman Mark Foley's office says the e-mails "were entirely
appropriate and that their release is part of a smear campaign by his opponent."

The next entry in the blog at 3:40 p.m. had Foley's Democratic opponent Possessive before
the gerund calling for an investigation. The explicit instant messages surfaced over the next 26 hours.

It Bad use of anticipatory “it” for the writer's clarity: “Publishing the story…” was an
educated gamble on ABC's part. In many cases of sexual abuse, more victims come forward after
the first story is told. "Is told" is redundant and passive. It's Vague pronoun reference happened in stories about teachers, doctors, clergy and scout leaders.

But it Another “it” without antecedent. Writers should use this construction sparingly if
they want readers to understand what they say. was risky. Accusing someone of being a child
predator without substantial evidence could lead to horrible consequences. An innocent man
would certainly suffer. The newsroom would be vulnerable to an expensive legal suit. And the
public would condemn the news media as sensational, irresponsible, anti-Republican stooges.

The public condemns the newspapers all the time. That outcry ranks part of the glamour
of journalism. Public hypocrisy demands its criticizing newspapers. But the beast keeps reading
if the story concerns a congressman’s stalking teenage pages in Washington.

Even knowing the outcome, it's Dangling participle begins the sentence: “Many journalists knowing the outcome would not feel comfortable taking the risk.” not a risk many journalists would feel comfortable taking. As murky as the newsroom decisions are in the Foley case, journalists Possessive before the gerund: Check out this rule in the NYTimes Style Book. looking back over the story point out that our watchdog role should be the guiding force.

Then why was the Times watchdog asleep?

There are many lessons in the Foley saga. Perhaps the most important one is that we learn to take children seriously, to respect their judgment and opinion.

After every sexual-predator case, the psychiatric community recommends this wisdom; nobody remembers.

That can't be license to print anything they say. But history shows us that children are often the first to complain about inappropriate adult behavior. As adults and as journalists, we have to listen.

Posted by Kelly McBride 12:41:37 PM
E-mail this item | Add/View Feedback (5) | QuickLink this item: A111809
____________________________________________________________________________________
Ms. McBride:

I am sorry to be frank; but I must speak as I find. This essay features neither felicity of language
nor Standard grammar and punctuation. You should avoid "it's"; go on the wagon with passive
verbs; and rev up your diction engines to replace template choices. But most important is not
to front the cowering, self-serving sycophancy of excusing Times dereliction of following up the tips of this explosive story. Doing so ranks an ethical offense against your own dignity.

The Times’s Prufrockian quidnuncs filed this tip in oblivion and moved back to the safe
soporifics of local piddling politics. Why can't you just spit that fact out? The Times lacked the nerve for a big story when one dropped in its lap. Its behavior was prissy and parochial: Knights of Pythias, old-fart ethics.

One marvels that Poynter has the nerve to serve up ethics nostrums, given its sexism. Sexism
stands the longest-running lack-of-ethics story of all time.

Of the fifteen Poynter faculty, only three are women. Most columnists are men. The only place
where an x-chromosome is not an impediment is the “assistant” list. Sexist thugs and their
Aunt Tom enablers think women are born with “assistant” stamped on their foreheads. Three of fifteen assistants are men, the obverse of faculty.

Y’all should ditch your ethics scam and convert Poynter to a male sweat lodge. Such use would be honest, given the outfit's sexist-jobs breakdown.

I once had set-to with Dr. Roy Clark at Tiger Bay. After his graceless oration, I approached the
great man to tell him that Poynter’s unethical employment sexism offended me.

Dr. R launched into a tizzy for my lese majeste and accused me of racism because Poynter had
a Black woman as head. Logic is not Dr. Roy’s strong point. Poynter is not the first outfit to
put a Black token high up in the hierarchy to throw the EEOC off the scent. Dr. Dunlap will
have no trouble getting another such job in enterprises run by the Affirmative Action Plan
for dumb white guys that has been chugging along since we sat in caves picking fleas off each other.

A male sweat lodge that replicates Ye Mystic Krewe’s across the bay is the ticket for Poynter: an
honest sweat lodge with a sign over the door that announces, "We've gone out of the drive-by
ethics racket. No women allowed except topless dancers and waitresses."


lee drury de cesare
tdecesar@tampabay.rr.com
http//www.grammargrinch.blogspot.com